i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
