somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
