the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
