drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
