I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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