It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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