I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
