it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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