how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
