Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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