What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
