Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize