i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
