That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my liver is dry heaving
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
