a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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