Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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