I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
