Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
