im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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