I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
