I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
