You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
