I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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