I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
