If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
