she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
