if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
