Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
