Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
