I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
