my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
