you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
