Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
