So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Randomize
