when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
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I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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