And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
