I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You left your phone here
Wait...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
