Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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