that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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