So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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