i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
