Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
