ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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