She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
