i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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