Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
