are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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