Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
