How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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