just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
