He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
