I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
