i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
