just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
