I puked a lego.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
