he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
