Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
