You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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