it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
