Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
