My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
