i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
