She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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