Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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