it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
