He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
