remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
