if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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