I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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