her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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